tracythomp - Week 38.... Really?

I honestly cannot believe I am about to have a baby. These last weeks have really thrown me into some what of an emotional roller coaster and honestly a bit of denial about the whole thing. since I quit my job two weeks ago school has really picked up. Just like me, to get rid of one thing just to throw myself into another. The first week off of work I did do my best to get the baby's room ready. Not that I have any clue how to do that but as i said, i did my best. I rushed around cleaning the house and going shopping to get what I still needed in order to bring a baby into the house. I also spent many hours at school trying to work on completing as many papers and projects as i can so i don't have to worry about it later. It doesn't help that this has been the hardest semester i have had yet. So needless to say with all the busyiness i must have worked myself into stress i was not aware of. Last week when i went to my midwife appointment my blood pressure was 144/ 92 and there was protein in my urine and my reflexes were hyperreactive. My midwife was worried. She gave me a nonstress test and ordered labs to check out why these things were happening. Their initial thought was that i was developing preeclamsia. By the time i left the office my blood pressure was 102/ 70 and the non stress test came back normal. however, i was restricted to moderate bed rest and told to stay off my feet as much as possible or, if the symptoms persist, they would induce. AHHHH i freaked out, induce me???? I am not ready for that, i don't want that, i have too many things to do before the baby comes I CAN"T BE INDUCED!!!! So i followed the rules and only got on my feet to make quick meals and go to class. Happily i can say that yesterday i went to the doctor and all of my labs were normal, my blood pressure is back to normal and there were no more threats of induction. I am still required to stay off my feet as much as possible and only do things that are low stress. Apparently i am not aware of what stresses me out because i didn't even know i was stressed. I can assume that a big part of my stress is coming from the unknown of having a baby, my family changing and doubts of my ability to do it. In my head i tell myself i can, but in honesty i would be lying if i didn't say i have major major doubts. I tell myself it is normal to doubt and i believe that, but i must keep positive about this. I am getting excited about bringing a baby home however, with this also comes more stress because i still cannot just focus on my baby. How i wish school was over and i did not have to go to class until i knew i was capable. But I will only be able to miss a couple classes and then it is back to reality. I DON"T WANT THAT. I want the enjoyment of getting to know my son and truely embracing the experience, but i feel like i am not given that opportunity and I am going to miss out. So my mind is flooded with questions of How am i going to do it all? I don't want to do it all anymore, i want to be able to focus on my baby, i don't give a damn about school right now but i dont know how to let it go. OH God help me! Some how i know it will work out but i just wish i didn't have so many worries about it. Any, it is good for me to journal about this, hopefully it will relieve someone of my anxious feelings!